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For Women Only: A Wife’s Personal Checklist Review a self-evaluation checklist of offenses that wives typically commit against their husbands. Family Counseling Ministries -
Are you interested in examining a checklist of ways that
wives typically offend their husbands? In this article Dr. Don Dunlap
encourages women who find it hard to identify specific ways that they offend
their husbands, to read through the list prayerfully. He suggests that each
reader check the items that apply, for the purpose of repentance,
reconciliation and marital restoration.
Listed below are some of the offenses that wives typically commit against their husbands. As women read through this list they may wish to check any of these offenses that apply to them. ___ 1. Expecting him to know what I need without telling him ___ 2. Ignoring him ___ 3. Trying to be financially independent ___ 4. Not valuing his opinions ___ 5. Insisting on maintaining separate checking accounts ___ 6. Showing more attention to other people than I show to him ___ 7. Demonstrating greater loyalty to other people (children, parents, employer, friends, pastor, etc.) than to him ___ 8. Resisting his decisions in my heart ___ 9. Resisting his physical affection ___ 10. Making him feel guilty if he desires me sexually when I don’t desire him ___ 11. Being unresponsive to him sexually ___ 12. Withholding sex as a means of punishing him for his insensitivity or wrong behavior ___ 13. Taking his responsibilities into my own hands in order to see to it that they get done ___ 14. Not respecting him as a person who is in authority over me ___ 15. Having a lack of respect for him as the God-given leader in our home ___ 16. Not expressing confidence in him when he makes wrong decisions ___ 17. Not showing loyalty and support in spite of the wrong decisions he makes ___ 18. Not appreciating him for the positive things that he does for me or for the family ___ 19. Not expressing enthusiasm for his achievements ___ 20. Being inattentive to him when he is talking ___ 21. Letting myself go in physical appearance and/or health ___ 22. Not being determined to develop a gentle and contented spirit, which the Bible says is precious in God’s sight ___ 23. Failing to know or to apply the biblical principles of appeal when I need to do so ___ 24. Being unwilling to forgive my husband for past failures or hurts ___ 25. Failing to explain my needs and fears without condemning him ___ 26. Being unwilling to define my responsibilities to my husband ___ 27. Criticizing or discrediting him in front of other people ___ 28. Failing to encourage my husband to spend time alone with the Lord ___ 29. Condemning him for not being the spiritual leader and taking more spiritual responsibility ___ 30. Not understanding that a man’s need to spend time alone with God is not a rejection of his wife ___ 31. Being unwilling to learn contentment in my present circumstances ___ 32. Being ungrateful for each expression of his love or provision ___ 33. Not praising him for any growth or achievement in areas where I want him to improve ___ 34. Not visualizing how the problems of marriage are helping me achieve greater character and growth in my relationship with Jesus Christ ___ 35. Making sarcastic comments about him ___ 36. Insulting him in front of others ___ 37. Using careless words when I communicate with him ___ 38. Nagging him and speaking harshly ___ 39. Raising my voice at him ___ 40. Making critical comments that seem to have no basis ___ 41. Swearing or using foul language in his presence ___ 42. Correcting him in public ___ 43. Being tactless when I point out his weaknesses or blind spots ___ 44. Reminding him angrily that I warned him not to do something ___ 45. Having disgusted or judgmental attitudes ___ 46. Telling him how wonderful other men are and comparing him to them ___ 47. Being disrespectful to his family members and other relatives ___ 48. Coercing him into arguments ___ 49. Not praising him for something that he did well, even if he did it for me ___ 50. Treating him like a child ___ 51. Being unaware of his needs ___ 52. Not trusting him ___ 53. Not approving of what he does or how he does it in a general sense ___ 54. Not being interested in my own personal growth or spiritual growth ___ 55. Not giving him input when he really needs it and asks for it ___ 56. Not telling him that I love him in specific ways ___ 57. Having generally selfish and condemning attitudes ___ 58. Not attending church regularly ___ 59. Showing more excitement for work and other activities than for him ___ 60. Not being consistent with the discipline of the children ___ 61. Being unwilling to admit when I am wrong ___ 62. Being defensive when he points out one of my “blind spots” ___ 63. Being too busy with work and other activities ___ 64. Not allowing him to fail—believing that I always have to correct him ___ 65. Spending too much money, using credit cards unwisely, and getting the family too deeply into debt ___ 66. Not having a sense of humor and not being able to joke about things ___ 67. Not telling him how important he is to me ___ 68. Not defending him when someone else is complaining about him or tearing him down, (especially if it is one of my relatives or friends) ___ 69. Not bragging to other people about him ___ 70. Ignoring his relatives and the people who are important to him ___ 71. Criticizing him behind his back (This is especially painful for him if he hears about my criticism from someone else.) ___ 72. Blaming him for the things in our relationship that are clearly my fault ___ 73. Becoming impatient or angry with him when he can’t keep up with my schedule or physical stamina ___ 74. Acting as though I am a martyr if I go along with his decisions ___ 75. Sulking when he challenges my comments ___ 76. Insisting upon lecturing him in order to convey the importance of my points ___ 77. Putting other things before him ___ 78. Showing more appreciation or admiration for other men than for him ___ 79. Criticizing or belittling his character or abilities ___ 80. Pushing him to do things that he thinks should not be done ___ 81. Making fun of his leadership (even in jest) ___ 82. Not seeking his advice or counsel on issues in my world ___ 83. Allowing trivial and non-essential discussions to become arguments ___ 84. Complaining excessively (whining) ___ 85. Honoring my parents above him ___ 86. Devaluing his input with the children ___ 87. Complaining about the time that he needs with other men to pursue positive goals ___ 88. Showing no interest in his recreational interests ___ 89. Violating money management agreements ___ 90. Not generally admiring him as a man ___ 91. Not respecting his leadership ___ 92. Berating him for lack of spiritual leadership ___ 93. Not paying full attention while he is talking to other people or to me ___ 94. Interrupting him before I have heard him out ___ 95. Trying to get in the last word in order to win an argument ___ 96. Using statements like “You always…” and “You never…” ___ 97. Devaluing his vocation or work pursuits ___ 98. Failing to take care of my physical appearance ___ 99. Failing to assume the primary responsibility for keeping the house neat and clean ___ 100. Making fun of his physical appearance ___ 101. Not building him up and not encouraging him ___ 102. Not expressing a gentle and respectful spirit when we disagree ___ 103. Bringing up past failures and hurts ___ 104. Arguing with him or questioning him in front of the children ___ 105. Consistently putting the children’s needs before his ___ 106. Keeping secrets from him and being untrustworthy ___ 107. Making excuses about the children’s disobedience ___ 108. Shopping, and spending money as a means to relieve my depression or discouraged mood (or to retaliate against him) ___ 109. Forgetting things that matter to him ___ 110. Not praying for him
Now go back and write out each offense expanding specifically on each one. Then, sit down with your husband and ask him to forgive you for every offense. This is one of the most important projects to restoring and strengthening a marriage. Give it your best effort. He will be able to sense any insincerity.
As women read through these items, they should keep in mind that the purpose of the list is to help them repent, and restore and reconcile their marriage relationship. It is wise to ask God for the opportunity to humble themselves before their husbands, for the purpose of repentance, restoration and reconciliation in their marriage relationships.
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